Proposal

Proposal. Use correctly in a sentence:

I was impressed by his proposal, or at least the left side of my brain was.

The proposal assignment was bitter abuse.

I have found that writing a proposal could actually kill my desire to write anything else.

The thing is, proposals are supposed to be cut and dried, aren't they? This is the thing I have to offer, now you decide. But oh no, oh no -- I must jump through hoops, I must dazzle and entertain, all before you actually READ what I have written. I must walk through the burning ring of fire we call "marketing" into the dark side where business is clunking and churning -- like I would ever, EVER want to go there. In fact, this thing feels like a treaty between the two worlds, me in my optimism and them in their obvious pessimism, or otherwise, why would all the convincing be necessary? At this point, I am not even sure it would all work out.

I feel like every bit of my creativity has been counterbalanced by writing this malarky. Isn't that a conflict of interest?

One thing is for sure: I am conflicted and completely disinterested in this part of the process.

Thoughts on thoughts

Okay, now I am officially writing or editing 3 different stories. Plus my blog. What in the world?

But you know, that just about sums up the state of my mind lately -- a million direction without a good fix on anything. It's frustrating, but I guess I shouldn't allow it to be. Just like a good beginning without an end yet, it's still......a good beginning. Some thoughts, however unclear, are better than no thoughts at all, right? Because then I really would be vegetative.

But vegetative seems so restful to me. Maybe because I have never seen very many vegetative people, but the ones that I picture have that half-asleep smile on their faces. And you know what? What if they do have all kinds of thoughts, but aren't having to work on solutions because of, you know, their state. Although a life free of problems would really have no plot, would it? Where would the excitement, the climax, the thematic elements be? That is what makes a story a story, right. Even a story with no end yet. The end is implied, but there's no hurry to get to it.

And so I must get back to my 3 stories and work towards at least one implied ending. Good thing I have no implied deadline to go with it.

Sometimes...

...it takes a while to walk a mile. That rhymed, didn't it? That is just about exactly how cheesy I have felt with the whole "novel" thing lately -- I don't even know why. I look at my ms and I think about it, and half of me decides to like it. And I guess I'm feeling silly writing something only half of me likes.

So, I've been reading a lot and letting my brain relax until a whole me can start up with the editing and the second ms I have been working on, which actually 2/3 of me likes. Which is an improvement. It might be awhile before we get to another mile marker, though, and I did promise to keep you posted.

BTW, what I've been reading:

Wuthering Heights -- really great, right, with a couple of very dynamic characters that live in the grey space between "good" and "bad." I still can't decide why Heathcliffe married Isabella in the first place, or vice versa, but it develops the plot nicely.

A Farewell to Arms -- also very good and "classicy," but in the Hemingway sense, which isn't snobbish and heady, but just well-written. I love me some Ernest.

The King of Torts -- I have two categories for Grisham, now: movie worthy and un-movie worthy. I'm sure he doesn't care, but I think this falls in the movie worthy category. And I have to like Grisham, because, well, he's Grisham.

Digital Fortress -- I have to say I think Dan Brown had a one hit wonder in The DaVinci Code, but I thought I would give this one a try. Not impressed so far.

That's it for now. Have you read any of the above? While we're waiting for the rest of me to come around you could toss out your thoughts and this might prove to be an interesting post...

Yay!

I sent off my ms today. This is good, because the decision is no longer wandering around aimlessly in the back of my mind. I am freaking out about it to a degree, but I will not let that overwhelm me. I think I'll just keep repeating that over and over...and over...

This is probably why I...

...have to write
...love running
...want everyone to get along
...have high expectations...
...admire artists
...like the game "Taboo," and others like it
...am drawn to teachers

Take the test and let me know how it turns out for you! Hey, it's part of that whole ENFJ thing, I can't help it!

Grumpy Smurf

Remember this guy? No matter what anysmurf said, Grumpy followed it with "I HATE ___." Yeah Grumpy, my sentiments exactly regarding this synopsis thing...

How can I hate writing something this much? Every time I think about it, I refuse to. For example: I really ought to...what's on Shannah's blog? I really should begin...it's about lunchtime. I really, really need to...weren't there some towels that needed folding? That's right folks, I'm stooping to towels, for crying out loud!

I just never anticipated this kind of resistance to something so simple. And therein is the problem, methinks. I like the lax boundaries of writing fiction, and I don't care for the no-nonsense, simplistic, minimalist, streamlined parameters of a summary. A let me regurgitate what I just wrote minus all the fun summary. And a selling-myself-and-my-story summary, at that. Did I mention that I'm not a salesperson? "I HATE selling my story." Sigh.

I really should get to that...wonder if the mail has come yet.

Frustrations

So I've decided I love all my characters. I want to write a book about each of them, but I can't, so I think I'm writing all those books into one, and that is why this is taking so long. I used to think movies chopped too much of the important stuff. Now I think books do, too. People are so complex, and characters have to be no less. It's hard to funnel it all into a few thousand words.

So, I knew there would be a sequel from the beginning, and it's funny, because I wasn't sure my plot was thick enough. Well, this baby could plug a radiator better than McGyver. Remember him? Anyway, now I think it's getting to be just plain confusing, but I don't want to trim any of it off. The funnelling thing again. Frustrating, isn't it?

And my fingers are programmed to do i before e. They don't know the "except after c rule." That's frustrating too.

I need to put a mood chart up here. My roommates and I had one on the refrigerator through the duration of our stay together. It was helpful to know who to ignore and who to cheer up and who to ask for money. J/k

Mood of the day: frustrated;( I wish Blogger would supply me with faces that weren't sideways. ARGH!